E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial Review
While most games created in-house at Atari are a perfect example of the disgusting drug culture of that company in the 1980s, games like E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial show just how sickeningly liberal Atari was as well. The “cover story” the developer of this game gives is that he was tasked with shoveling this game out on an insanely short deadline. Considering the rampant drug usage by all at Atari back then, who is to say that the alleged “six weeks” this game was developed in wasn’t actually a several months long project with weeks at a time lost to pot smoking, alcoholic risk taking, and LSD trips.
We were able to speak with Matt P., who is a reformed software designer that claims he worked at Atari during what he calls “dark days in my life before finding Christ”. Matt tells us the real story of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial as he remembers it. “So, they gave the game to Howard but I don’t remember exactly when. I sinned often on multiple drugs at work during that time,” explains Matt. “One thing I do remember is that we had a game about what are now referred to as ‘illegal immigrants’ or ‘aliens’, if you will, collecting money and tracking down pieces of a telephone to be able to wire money back to their families in Mexico. The ‘illegals’ had to evade police detectives and customs agents who would steal their ill-gotten funds and jail them if the player controlled ‘illegal’ gets caught.”
As one can see, Matt’s theory of the developer, crunched for time, just re-skinning this existing game with “E.T. related” sprites seems at least plausible. In the released version of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, the player controls an alien who tries to collect candy and pieces of a phone to call home. The alien has to avoid FBI agents and scientists, just like the alleged Atari ‘illegal alien’ prototype video game.
“In retrospect, it is shocking what a liberal pig sty Atari was back then,” adds Matt. “The fact that our bosses allowed this game to be released only served to glamorize the life of illegal immigrants. Disgusting. That is the single worst thing affecting America today. Hopefully, president Trump fixes this soon.”
Matt continued to rant that the film that the E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial video game was based on is also “liberal Hollywood trash”. Matt points out that director Steven Spielberg “helped the anti-2nd Amendment agenda” by having guns digitally removed in later releases of the film. “If I had the life altering connection with Christ I have now earlier in my life, I’d have never contributed to the horrid things that Atari was responsible for in the 1980s. I am definitely ashamed of that part of my life.”
I begrudgingly played E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial for the sake of this review. It definitely lives up to its reputation as “the worst video game ever made”. When playing with the context of Matt’s story of the origins of the game in mind, it is even more abhorrent. This game really does glorify the disgusting doings of immigrants that have come to the United States illegally. I cheered loudly every time that the FBI agent confiscated my candy or pieces of my illegal telephone. I praised the “scientist” who kept seizing my character and putting him in the “government building”. The one redeeming quality of this game is that the programming is so terrible, that it makes it nearly impossible for E.T. the illegal alien to succeed in his mission to wire illegal funds to his family back in Mexico, I mean “call the space aliens to come rescue him”. Thankfully, with a strong Republican in office soon, that task will be made even more impossible and we can make America great again.