Tomb Raider Review
I received my first request of a game to review on this site and the game suggested was 1996’s ‘Tomb Raider’ published by Eidos Interactive. The plot of ‘Tomb Raider’ features a female adventurer named Lara Croft who proceeds to commit multiple acts of grave robbing, theft and criminal trespass. But, before I get even get into the litany of problems this game has, we’ll address the elephant in the room.
The Lara Croft character was given comically large breasts by the game designers.
This created quite a stir back in the 1990s and even by today’s moral standards it is unacceptable. Clearly, by way of looking at the odd angular shapes of the breasts in question, they are not natural. It is then assumed that this Lara Croft character sought out cosmetic surgery to give herself these unnecessary appendages. In the game’s canon it makes her a less sympathetic character and made me not really care what happened to her. In fact, every time Lara missed a ledge and fell to her doom, I merely assumed it was the in-game God judging her. Several times I was certain she would have lived and successfully made a jump if she were not carrying such unnecessary weight.
The game developers claim that Croft’s excessive chest was the result of a “slip of the mouse” that increased the character’s breast size by 150%. The team developing the game argued that the unnecessary sexualization of this character should remain intact. When Eidos first presented the game to Sony, the electronics giant actually turned the game down, clearly unimpressed with a game that was made to appeal to the lowest common denominator of gamer. However, unfortunately, Eidos was able to convince Sony to release the game and ‘Tomb Raider’ was unleashed on the original Playstation console.
The plot of ‘Tomb Raider’ begins with Croft being contacted by Jacqueline Natla to illegally trespass in a Peruvian tomb and steal an artifact. After stealing the piece in question, Croft is attacked by a fellow criminal and learns that the artifact is merely on fragment of a larger score. Croft then proceeds to break and enter Natla’s company to find the location of the man, Pierre Dupont, that Natla has hired to find the other pieces of the artifact. Croft discovers that Dupont is actively pilfering a monk’s tomb in Greece and winds up murdering Dupont after defiling the tomb and stealing another piece of the ‘Scion’ artifact. Croft eventually ends up hallucinating some nonsense about ‘Atlantis’ and winds up murdering another man after breaking into a Temple in Egypt. Natla then confronts Croft, tries to kill her and winds up stealing all of the artifacts that you as the player have spent the entire game thus far trying to acquire. The game loses at me this point as it dives into this ‘Atlantis’ nonsense and all of these weird mutant creatures appear. All in all, Croft murders the mutants and eventually also murders Natla.
More or less, you spend the entire game stealing things from dead people, breaking into buildings and killing people, all while having hallucinations like you are some drugged out hippie.
There is no way I would even begin to recommend this game to anyone; save for the most depraved, liberal drug abuser. The grave robbing from a holy man would be enough for me to not waste my time with filth like this, but add in the unnecessary sexual components and killing that served no real purpose and this game is horrid. If Lara Croft was killing these people in a sanctioned war or police action, that would be one thing. However, her actions in the game are no better than a common street thug murdering someone for their iPhone.